Piecing Up A Broken Heart

2009-06-29T10:25:00.002+08:00

To all my loyal readers,

I've created a new blog, for a new beginning :)

www.voyageofmylife.wordpress.com

See you all in my new blog :)

xoxo,
dixon

2009-06-11T16:23:00.001+08:00

Went downhill in in may.
so low that i almost left.
my loved ones pulled me back.
life lessons learnt.

Paid a huge price for it.
Even though it still hurts,
I’ve learnt to stay positive.
What’s over is over.

I realize no matter how hard I tried,
Some things are just way beyond control.
Is this the way I want it to be?
I really don know if I can last.

Perhaps its all just meant to make me
Stronger and smarter.
Perhaps it might just be a blessing,
As it made me realize who truly cares.

On a positive note,
My grandparents had just bought
A three month old toy poodle :)
An apricot coloured male puppy.

He is really adorable & active.
Thought of calling him, Dylan.
But my family said cannot,
As the name starts with ‘D’,
Similar to my sis and mine.
Still brainstorming for names.

Any suggestions? :)

2009-05-25T23:32:00.002+08:00

perhaps i'm fated to stay single.
one sided love is killing me.
i've loved more than being loved.
but all i get is just disappointment.

:(

are you the right one for me?
i think i got the answer ;(

myself

2009-05-11T22:59:00.002+08:00

conflicts,
jealousy,
greed,
selfishness.

i'm suffocating under these devils.
i'm willing to give up those whom i've lost faith in.
i'm prepared to shut these devils out of my life.
i'm going to just lead the simple life,
which i've always yearned for.

i might not be the one whom i used to be,
but i'm sure that i've made the right choice,
and i'm going to just continue my remaining journey,
the way i always wanted it to be,

myself.

official

2009-04-25T00:00:00.002+08:00

[ OFFICIAL ]

- one -

felt so disgusted.
i'll never trust you.
all is over between us.
i'm going to move on.

- two -

felt so disappointed.
i'll never forgive you.
i'll never forget about it.
i can only look down on you.

i'm finally convinced.
i'm going to let go all the ones i've loved.
i'm going to move on without them.
i'm not going to love them anymore.

[ OFFICIAL ]

2009-04-08T00:16:00.002+08:00

on my way home tonight.
i saw what i didn't wanted to see.
i stoned on the road for some time.
i couldn't believe my eyes.

received another blow this afternoon.
didn't like or agree with the decision made.
i'm sick and tired of all these fickle minded ppl.
i really wanna leave this place with my mom & sis.

why must this happen to me hours before my operation.

on my way home.
i was so emotionally unstable.
speeding down the road with a teary eye.
barely able to see the roads ahead.
i felt so suicidal.
i almost left this place.

but i told myself i still got my mom & sis.
i don wanna let them down.
they meant the most to me.
i really treasure and love them loads.

i was so tempted to call and meet you just now.
i was afraid i couldn't see you anymore.
i really needed you badly.
i really missed you badly.

i can only tell you here if you happen to read.
take care and stay happy.
i love you.
now and forever.

2009-04-06T10:05:00.002+08:00

went to see a Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist.
did an endoscopy, inserting a tube from nose to throat.
i practically saw my swollen tonsillitis & nose infection.
was on a one week extended medical leave.

during the one week medical leave.
i went back for specialist check up.
doct said my tonsills are still huge.
required me to go for Tonsillectomy operation.

during this one hour operation.
doct will remove my two tonsills.
stitch back the open blood vessels.
put on drip and hospitalized.

kinda sad that the ops clashes with the baoc.
really wanted to see my sis's first project.
hope everything goes well for us.
kor gives you all the support you need.

having mixed feelings now.
i guess tomorrow night will be worst.
but with everyone's blessings & support.
i'll stay strong & overcome this barrier.

2009-03-26T11:19:00.000+08:00

went back to hospital on sun.
doct said that my condition deteroriated.
was given more medicine.
medical leave was extended for two days.

over the last two days,
took plenty of rest,
did a lot of reflections,
myself and my future.

another sad thing.
i'm having serious insomia problem.
i can't sleep even though very tired.
head hurts badly during the day.

i really hope i can recover soon.
physically, mentally & emotionally weak.
afterwhich i just want to lead a simple & healthy life.
and work hard for my future.

at the same time,
i realized that during your low times,
those whom you expected concern from,
was unlikely to be there for you.

it was my family,
my true friends,
my colleagues,
that showered me
with all the care and concern.

some are only there,
to have fun with you.
some are there for you,
during your ups and downs.

so if you're only there,
to have fun with me,
then all i can say,
i do not need you.

if i'm willing to put in my best,
to be there for you always,
i strongly believe you can too,
and i expect it from you.

but if you can't,
firstly i believe we're not compatible,
secondly i do not need such a friend,
lastly i'm not gonna be there for u anymore.

i'm no longer the dixon i used to be.
i'm no longer the dixon that only wanna have fun.
i'm no longer the dixon that used to be an extrovert.
i'm no longer the dixon who is so naive.

2009-03-20T20:42:00.002+08:00

on three days of medical leave.
down with serious cough & flu.
tonsils infectious & swollen.
causing breathing difficulties.

pain. suffering. endure.

doct referred me to specialist.

bcuz if tonsils did not subside.
i might need to undergo,
removal of tonsils operation.

tried my best to stay positive.
tried my best to not think.
tried my best to get well soon.
but things seems to oppose.

pain. suffering. endure.

why must this happened on me.
why must i be tortured like this.
i really need you badly.
i really need your strength.

i.......... love........ you....

:'(

2009-03-16T09:31:00.002+08:00

==============================

Over the weekend...

Bought a White Loafers.
Bought a Nikon DSLR D90 camera. [So much to explore & learn for this ITnerd.]
Mahjong with A, K & M till dawn.
Accompanied L for Car Repair.
Buffet Lunch with family @ Grand Mercure Hotel
Bought loads of Vitamin C.
Udders Ice Cream with A.

===============================================

This song’s lyric describe my love life feelings recently.
Didn’t feel good, but I’m enduring.
Its still hurts even after so long.
Why must I be treated like this.

There’s always no answer to my problems

:(

Don't hang up,
Can we talk?
So confused
It's like im lost.
What went wrong?
what made you go?
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me
I'm unchangeable

When did we
Fall apart?
Or did you lie
From the start?
When you said
It's only you
I was blind
Such a fool
Thinking we
Were unbreakable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful.

I've been told
Whats done is done
To let it go
And carry on
And deep inside
I know that's true
I'm stuck in time
I'm stuck on you
We were still untouchable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more.
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cause I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now

Because we're much better
All together
Can't let go.

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

=============================================

2009-03-11T09:46:00.003+08:00

======================================

during the past one week,
things seems to deteriorate,
getting more complicated,
leading to more people falling.

i really did not expect all these to happen.
i really do not understand why.
i really miss the happy moments we had.
i really learned a lot.

the sky seems to get darker each day.
more barriers rise as i try to conquer.
but the determination continue to strengthen.
even knowing that there's high risk involved.

never judge anything by its cover.
people whom you think you can trust,
can eventually backstabbed you.
i've regretted for trusting people too easily.

===============================

2009-03-04T14:24:00.002+08:00

the past one week was again another rollercoaster ride.
problems were consistently chasing after me.
slamming me tightly onto the wall.
barely giving me air to breath.

i've tried my best to conquer them.
i've tried my best to salvage them.
but as i see no improvement.
i felt so helpless, dissappointed and fustrated.

why must people be so irresponsible & self-centered?
why must people be so greedy & ignorant?
can't we just be satisfied with what we have?
can't we just work hard together?

after what've happened recently.
i realized there's only two person i can trust.
one is my mom & one is my sis.
i'm never gonna trust anyone else anymore.

==============================

over the week...

dinner with alex & seth @ tanjong katong
buffet lunch with alex & seth @ seoul garden
outing with a, s, j, j @ Orchard
movie and supper with shawn @ the cathay
lunch, mahjong & H2H talk with nz & sab @ my place
celebrated eugene's 22nd birthday @ timbre

==============================

honestly, i'm not ready to accept anyone now.
i just wanna build my future career.
take good care of my mom & sis.
lead a simple lifestyle.

thats it.

===============================

2009-02-23T22:40:00.002+08:00

the last few days were purely rest and reflections.
stayed at home the whole weekend.
really over exhausted after months of lack in sleep.
its been a few months since i had a good rest.

i've been thinking a lot lately.
reflecting on how i want my future to be,
reflecting on my past love life,
reflecting on the people whom i can trust and lean on.

i begin to love staying at home.
exercising as and when i like.
cuddling under the warm blanket,
and taking a nap as and when i want.

went back to my katong home on sun.
saw my beloved sis, mom & dad.
had dinner and grocery shopping with them.
just a few hours, but really happy and warm.

currently putting most of my time on the SNB.

hoping it will be a successful one.

looking forward to all the oncoming R&D.
grateful for all the support and advices.

till then, take care everyone!
stay happy always :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

all my loved ones have moved on with their life,
and living their life to the fullest with their other half.
but as for this loyal and foolish boy here,
i still love them as much as before.

perhaps i'm fated to stay single for now.

----------------------------------------------------

2009-02-17T17:41:00.002+08:00

============================================================

Things had not been running very smoothly for me lately. A few of my loved ones and I had been hurt badly by people we love or trusted all these while. I seriously don’t understand why must people be so self-centered, violence, greedy, irresponsible etc. We’ve put in our very best, but what we get back in turn is disappointment. And when you people need us, we’re always there for you, but when you’re well or found someone else, you people practically throw us aside, without caring how we felt.

Have you all actually bothered to realize how much sacrifices we’ve made for you? And if so, why are you doing this to us? Now that we’ve seen all your true colours, we are not gonna trust you as much as before. We’ve learnt our lessons and we’re simply disgusted with you people.

Aside from these, I’ve came cross some people who always put on a fake front when you’re around, and behind your back, they back stabbed or bitched everything about you, no matter if it’s true or just gossips. Once again, I’m totally disgusted with such people with no humanity, no humility and no honesty in them. They’re just practically wasting their life away by leading such an immoral behavior. Go ahead to gossip and bitch for all you like, but let me tell you this, I’m not as gullible as how you think I’m. And i know what's happening around me, so don't hiding or denying, losers.

==============================================================

On a happier note, here’s are some of my happy memories recently.

Simple but Happy Lunar New Year Celebration with Family
(Fall sick on the first day of CNY due to over-exhaustion)
Lunch & Dinner @ Conrad Hotel, Hua Ting Restaurant to Ikea etc.
Chill out & Heart-to-Heart talk with D & B @ Marina Barrage
CNY Steamboat with A, B, G & M @ My Place
“Movie Marathon” and Heart-to- Heart talk with A & M @ My Place
Celebrated Beloved Sis’s 18th Birthday Bash @ Orchard Hotel
Celebrated Cousin’s 26th Birthday @ Hua Ting
Kenny’s Farewell to US @ Changi Airport
Dinner with W & P @ Hard Rock Café
Strolling with W, P & G @ Marina Barrage
CNY Buffet Party with Brotherhood @ Wing On Life Garden
Supper & Coffee with D @ Udders & TB
Clubbing with Brotherhood @ Double O
Attended Joanne’s 21st Birthday Bash @ The Tea Party
Celebrated Mom’s Birthday with family @ Singapore Flyer & Raffles City

======================================================

Within five minutes, I bumped into you twice.
Within that next two hours of nap, I dreamt of hugging you.
Within that next eight hours of sleep, I dreamt of you again.
Within that next thirty-six hours, I bumped into you again.

Last night, as I was cycling rigorously,
I felt a sudden pain in my chest.
Out of the blue,
Tears pushed its way out of both eyes.

I miss you.

==========================================

2009-01-20T17:23:00.003+08:00

=========================================

12am.
As I listen to the songs we once listened together,
I couldn’t control but breakdown severely again.

Verge of suffocating myself,
As tears just flowed.
Covered my mouth tightly,
And cried silently.

As I grabbed the blanket tightly,
My stomach began to hurt terribly.
I’ve never encountered such pain before.
The pain was far beyond description.

1am.
Dragged myself to the kitchen,
And took some medication to ease the pain.
As I looked at the pills,
I was so tempted to gobble all down.

Within a split second,
I fell down on my knee,
Banged my head against the wall,
As I felt sharp pain in my stomach.

2am.
During that moment of pain & despondent,
I was hoping you could be there for me,
Taking care of me like how you did before,
And be my source of strength and hope.

As I was shivering under my blanket,
I was hoping you could be there for me,
Just like the way you’ve hug me to sleep,
Giving me all the love and warmth I need.

But you weren’t there.

=========================================

2009-01-19T17:01:00.002+08:00

===============================================

[ Updates ]

150109

Dinner with Grandparents @ Hereen’s Waraku
Shopping with Sis @ Cineleisure & The Cathay

160109

B.M.W Afterglow @ The Riverwalk

170109

Forex 100 Series Workshop @ The Riverwalk
Swimming & Tanning @ Katong Home
Dinner with Brotherhoood @ PS’s Café Cartel
Play games @ Settlers
Supper Tau Huay with Brotherhood @ Rochor

180109

Soocer Match with Brotherhood & A, M, K, S @ Kallang’s The Cage
Dinner with AMS, MT, Kenneth & Samson @ Hereen’s NYDC
Shopping @ The Hereen & Cineleisure

===========================================

This weekend was indeed a happy & well-spent one
True friends are the ones, who’ll always be there,
No matter how often you hang out with.
They’re people whom I will treasure for life.

Thanks for giving me a happy & memorable weekend!

Look forward to all the upcoming outings & CNY! :)

=============================================

2009-01-15T17:46:00.003+08:00

============================================

Firstly, THANK YOU to all who’ve attended my 21st birthday bash.
Secondly, THANK YOU to all who’ve helped me out along the way.
Lastly, THANK YOU to all for the fantastic and meaningful presents.
MUCH APPRECIATED!

Xoxo,
Dixon

===========================================

[ Updates for the Past One Month ]

Successful & Memorable Monochrome Parade: 21st Birthday Bash
After-Party Celebrations with Brotherhood @ My Place
AMS Birthday Dinner & Outing @ Sentosa & Vivo
Maternal’s Family Christmas Party @ 4th Aunt’s House
Picnic Outing with Sis, Shawn & Cheryl @ Night Safari
Lunch, Dinner & Shopping with Damon @ Ann Siang Hill, Ikea & Dempsey
Christmas Eve Dinner with family @ Sushi Tei
Christmas Dim Sum with Shawn @ Crystal Jade Palace
Pyisoe’s Birthday Chill-out with Brotherhood @ Timbre
A&F Appreciation Dinner 2008 @ JOM-HomeTeamNS
Christmas Picnic Outing with Brotherhood @ Botanic Gardens
Buffet Lunch with Xiaoxuan @ Orchard Hotel
New Year’s Eve Celebration with Brotherhood @ Laura’s House
New Year Outing with D, N, A, S & S @ Raffles City & Mind’s Café
Chill-Out with Brotherhood @ Dempsey’s B&J
Supper with Brotherhood @ Rochor Beancurd
Attended BMW 2-days Seminar with E & E @ Sentosa’s Amara Sanctuary
F.L.I.C night class with A @ Festive Walk
Chill-Out with Brotherhood @ Siglap’s Starbucks
Steamboat Buffet & Dessert with Brotherhood @ Liang Seah Street
Strolling with E, Y, L & M @ Marina Pier & Marina Barrage
Steamboat Buffet & Heart-to-Heart Talk with Joanne @ Vivocity
Sharing of Forex Trading with A, M & G @ Serene’s Centre
Dinner with S & W @ Suntec City

========================================

Am I living my life to the fullest and happily?
Yes, to a certain extent.
I’m thankful that I’ve my beloved mother & sis who are always there for me.
I’m honoured that I’ve a great and true group of friends around me.
I’m glad that I’m working hard towards my goals and visions in life.

But…

At times, you’ll still need someone,
whom you can lean on,
whom you can love and care for,
whom you can share your happiness with,
whom you can share your burden with,
whom you wanna live your life with.

I’ve been yearning so badly to be with this special person.
But this special person seems so far from me.
Even when this special person is close with me,
It only lasted for a short while.

During the first few hours of the New Year,
I was hoping that I can put them out of my mind,
But unfortunately, it went the opposite direction,
And the tap of sorrow begins to pour again.

I'm tired..

========================================

i love my mom n sis most

2008-12-09T10:53:00.002+08:00

====================================

the past one week was a terrible one.
many bad encounters.
resulting in another suicidal mind.
mentally, physically & emotionally unstable.

another severe breakdown in office.

this time not because of work.

I've tried so hard to stay strong,
and hoping to stay sick-free at least till my birthday.
My body didn't seems to cooperate,
and choose to fall sick instead.

I was on the verge of giving up,
and leaving this place.
But two person holded me back,
and they are my mom & sis.

They stood by me,
giving me all the love and support i need.
Really Touched & Motivated.
I trust and love both of them most.

======================================

2008-12-01T17:43:00.003+08:00

[ UPDATES ]

241108

1.5 hour of gym & jogging @ House’s Gym

251108

7.5km Jog & Weight-lifting @ Office’s Gym
80 Laps of Swimming @ Home

261108

A&F’s 3rd TGIF @ Bukit Batok’s HomeTeamNS
Cake Tasting @ Da Paolo
Dinner with grandparents @ Singapore Botanic Garden

271108

7.5km Jog & Weight-lifting @ Office’s Gym
Dinner with J, N & S @ Paragon’s Spageddies
Look forward to our next outing this sun :)

281108

7.5km Jog & Weight-lifting @ Office’s Gym
Dinner with family @ Orchard’s Hua Ting Restaurant
Coffee with T @ PS’s Café Cartel
Supposed to go for prawning but plan was cancelled.
Dim Sum Supper with T @ Geylang’s “Wan Tou Sek”

291108

Final Cake Customization @ Da Paolo
100 laps of swimming @ Home
30km of cycling @ Home
Attended M’s 21st Birthday Bash @ ECP’s Chalet
Rush over to YH’s 21st Birthday Bash @ Amara Sanctuary Resort

301108

Shopping with grandparents @ PS & Novena
Dinner with family @ Dempsey’s Long Beach

011208

7.5km Jog & Weight-Lifting @ Office's Gym
Dinner with sis & nicol @ Paragon's Soup Spoon
Shopping @ Paragon, Ngee Ann City & Wisma

===============================

For the past one week, I’ve been doing a lot of reflections.
Reflecting on what I want my future to be,
What kind of lifestyle would I want to lead?
What can I do to ensure that I’m living my life to the fullest?
Who can I spend my life with?
Etc etc.

Everything seems quite dark, vulnerable and insecure.

====================================================

I know we’ve drifted far apart,
And seem to be avoiding each other.
Without realizing that it is actually the worst solution,
We’re practically giving up everything we had.

This is not my first time encountering such problem.
And I’ve always never had a happy ending.
It takes two hands to clap,
But it only takes one hand to break a fragile glass.

At first, I’m really happy that my loved ones can get along with you,
And always look forward to hanging out together.
But recently when my family asked me about you,
I really do not know how to answer them.

Honestly, have you really let go everything?
And moved on with life?
I really do not know what’s on your mind.
At times I really wonder if you’ve split personality.

The one i love is no longer the same as before.

:(

========================================

2008-11-24T15:37:00.002+08:00

UPDATES

191108

Undergo First Blood Donation @ Work
Grandma’s Birthday @ Function Room
Chili Crabs, Seafood, Boon Tong Kee, etc.
Crunchy Hazelnut Cake from Da Paolo
Chill-out with Sharon @ Punggol Park’s Bliss

201108

Shopping spree with NZ & Sab @ Paragon
Dinner with NZ & Sab @ Changi Airport’s Popeye
Supposed to surprise Joanne by picking her up from airport,
But didn’t managed to get her, cause got miscommunication.
Sad but glad she is back.

211108

Shopping spree with Mom, Sis & Nicol @ Paragon
Dinner @ Lucky Plaza’s Indo Restaurant
Send Mom & Sis home
Supper & Catching up with Shawn & Marvin @ Carl’s Junior

221108

Swim 100 laps @ Home
Two hours afternoon Nap @ Home
Dinner with Grandparents @ Crystal Jade
Shopped for Grandpa’s Clothes @ Paragon & Ngee Ann City
Dessert @ The Coffee Club
Met up with Brothehood @ Siglap’s Starbucks
Dim Sum Supper with Brotherhood @ Geylang’s “Wan Dou Sek”

231108

1 hour of jogging & Weight-lifting @ Gym
30 km of cycling @ Home
Dinner with Joanne @ Paragon’s Soup Spoon
Cake Tasting @ Grand Hyatt’s Mezza9
Shopping & Heart-to-Heart Talk @ Town

----------------------------------------------------------

Friday night, i dreamt of _ _ _ _ _ _.
Saturday night, i dreamt of _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
Both were happy memories of us.
But as i woke up from my dreams,
tears gushed out,
as i clunch my fist tightly,
towards my aching heart.

Till today, i still do not understand,
why must both be ended so painfully,
when i did not even hurt or betray,
instead i love you more than i love myself.

Perhaps, there'll never be an answer to it.
Perhaps, its my fault for falling so deep.
Perhaps, i'm meant to get hurt again & again.
Perhaps, i was never a good boyfriend.

----------------------------------------------------

short but sweetest

2008-11-19T14:00:00.002+08:00

----------------------------

[ MY LOVE DIARY ]

We were just friends at the start.
Always having fun, never apart.
Then one day, something sparked.
The next thing I knew, you had my heart.

The days flew by,
I lost track of time.
Everytime I was with you,
I was on cloud nine.

With you in my arms, you told me you loved me.
Then gently kissed my forehead, and gave me a hug.
I was convinced you were the one for me.
Apart from you, i would never be.

Just when I thought all was well,
Was when you began to put me through hell.
You said, we should just be friends.
That's when I knew it was the end.

I looked into your eyes, trying to find out why.
It was all I could do, not to begin to cry.
Where I once saw love, I saw nothing.
I couldn't believe you no longer felt something.

I lay in bed, counting my tears.
Each representing what I'd hoped would be years.
Years of happiness, for us to be together.
A long-lived life, forever and ever.

But in my heart, I know this will never be.
For in yours, no longer is there a place for me.
I gave you my all; I gave you my heart.
Little did I know that you'd tear it apart.

Everyday I place a smile on my face.
As for tears, there is not a trace.
You ripped me apart, but yet it's true.
Forever and always, I'll remember you.

[ SHORT BUT SWEETEST ]

----------------------------

2008-11-17T10:23:00.003+08:00

----------------------------

UPDATES

141108

Dinner & Shopping with grandparents @ IKEA

151108

Outing with Maternal Family @ Sentosa
Dinner with grandparents & beloved sis @ Paragon's Sushi Tei
Jere's Birthday Party @ Upper Bukit Timah
Visit Victor with Brothehood @ Jurong

161108

Workout @ Gym
Dinner with grandparents & mom @ Paragon's Mom Cuisine
Cycled 30km @ Home

--------------------------------------------

Vomitted twice this weekend,
So afraid that i'll have another internal bleeding relapse.
Trying my best to stay positive,
and let go what's not meant for me.

--------------------------------------------

If you really treasure and value me,
you wouldn't have said those words.
This shows how close we are,
and how much can i trust you.

Even so,
thanks for the all happy memories.
Even though i do know know if u've truly enjoyed,
but all i know is that i really enjoyed.

----------------------------

2008-11-13T16:20:00.002+08:00

[ I - T - A - L - Y ]

You gave me all the love and happiness,
which I’ve been looking and yearn for.

You gave me all the hope and strength,
And stood by me when I need someone.

Every small little thing you do,
Had strengthen my love for you day after day.

I felt so fortunate and thankful,
That I’ve found someone like you.

I really treasure you,
I really love you.

There’s still so much things I want to do with you.
But they seem to be crawling away from me.

Sleepless nights with tears & music as my only companions.
Drowned in a pool of sorrow and despair.

Honestly, I’ve not been feeling good these few days.
I’ve been trying very hard to not think about it.

But now I’m so afraid of losing you,
As it’s no longer the same as before.

:'(

2008-11-11T16:30:00.002+08:00

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Tears.
Heartache.
Unstable.
Silence.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

2008-11-11T09:43:00.003+08:00

-----------------------------------

- L O V E -

When we’re apart you’re all I think of.
I long to see your eyes and smile.
Eyes that sparkles like precious gems.
A smile that lights up my heart with joy and love,
like the Light of the World shining down from Heaven.
I long to hold your hand.
Just a touch warms my soul on the coldest day.
I long to hold you in my arms.
Arms that give me such a sense of security
that nothing could ever take you from me.
I long to kiss your precious lips.
Lips as sweet as candy exploding with passion.

Forgive me if when we’re together
I can’t stop adoring your divine beauty.
Even though you don’t tell me you love me,
I know what love feels and looks like.
I see love glistening in your eyes.
I feel love in the warmth of you hands
and in the tremble of you kiss.
You may not be sure that you love me yet,
but I have no doubts that you do.

-----------------------------------

2008-11-07T14:07:00.002+08:00

UPDATES

311008

Celebrated my First Halloween with Brotherhood @ Double O

011108

Attended MT’s 21st Birthday Bash @ Bishan
Watched HSM 3 with D @ Cineleisure

021108

Played Table tennis & Squash with Sis & YQ @ My House
Attended Heng Leng’s Wedding with A, J & Z @ Orchid Country Club

031108

Department Photo-Shoot @ PHQ

041108

Send invitation card for printing with YQ @ Bras Basah Complex

051108

Collect invitation card & Buy tennis racket @ Bras Basah
Play Table Tennis & Squash with YQ @ My House

-----------------------------------------------------------

Mixed feelings for the week.
There're times when i felt really happy,
there're times when i felt really disappointed.
But overall, lessons learnt.

I really don't know how long will this last,
but all i know is i'm really enjoying myself,
and at the same time treasuring what i have,
and hopefully the happiness can last.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-10-29T11:11:00.005+08:00

UPDATES : 211008 - 301008

Two days of swimming & gym with MT @ SICC
Dinner & Chill-out with MT @ Timbre
Victor’s farewell with Brotherhood @ T3
Prata Supper with Brotherhood @ Bedok
AGM cum Dinner Buffet with family @ Wing on Life Garden
Swimming & Cycling @ Home
Golf, Pool & Supper with YQ @ Eng Neo & Town
Shopping with MT @ Paragon
Grocery Shopping @ Tanglin Mall
Haircut with MT @ Stamford Court's Lush

Busy preparing for my 21st bash too:)
Jogged 25 km, Swam 10km, Cycled 100km, Gymed 4 Hours :)

---------------------------------------------------------------

251008

Today's 2 years ago, 251006.
The day when i first held your hands.
The day when i first hugged you.
The day when i first found true love.

I'll never forget this special day.
I'll never forget every small little thing you did for me.
I'll never forget all the happy memories we had.
I'll never forget about you.

Spending this whole special day at home,
waiting for your message,
reflecting on the things i did for you,
yearning for someone whom is so near yet so far.

Honestly, i still love you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-10-21T14:56:00.007+08:00

HAPPY NEWS!

"Dixon is very responsible, diligent and meticulous in his job. As PA to Director, his core duties include recording and despatching files, minutes and correspondences. He has to follow strictly to SOPs as all documents to Director must be handled properly and kept strictly confidential. He also has to keep track of Director's appointments and print the minutes and make arrangements prior to the meetings. In addition, Dixon has to indent office supplies and NSF's attire. Other than performing duties assigned by Director, he also has to handle tasks assigned by AD P&P and other ADs.

Dixon is also the most salient member of P&P's Wits project FY07. He catapulted the team to achieve a bronze award in SPF 3i Convention, and he also received commendation from the judges in his presentation. At present, he is also the pillar of the revamp of the A&F's Intranet website. He exhibited his creative flair when he designed the monthly issues of the eNewsletter and farewell cards for leaving officers. Dixon had also assisted covering FO EOM in drilling of daily GC reports. Dixon is a very punctual and responsible worker, who even reports to work when he is sick, and has never been late for work or take MC. He has been a very great help to the department, and he truly deserves the Staff award for his commendable efforts."

Finally getting the recognition for the hardwork I've put in for the past 8 months.
Thanks to those who had encouraged and motivated me in striving for excellence.

2008-10-20T17:32:00.002+08:00

UPDATES

141008 – 161018

Work
Hospital
Home

171008

Visit Grandpa @ Hospital
Dinner with family @ Paragon’s Crystal Jade
Grocery Shopping @ Market Place
Bowling with the usuals @ ECP

181008

Grandpa discharged from hospital
Looked after him at home till he went to bed
Chill-out with S @ Timbre

191008

Lunch with grandparents @ Home
Uni-Fair with L @ Orchard Hotel
Dinner @ Paragon’s Soup Spoon

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Not to mentioned when and where.
I came across a group of girls and guys,
whom I totally despise on.
They pretend to be close friends with you,
but behind your back they’re just trying to leech on you.
1 person, I still can accept.
But that person brought along all her friends?
10 people leeching on 1?
Not once but twice?

I only have three words for them.
“CHEAP!”
“BRAINLESS!”
“GREEDY!"

I was so tempted to throw $100 on the floor,
And ask them to lick it up like a dog.

I really can’t believe why are there such people,
who disgrace themselves just for that little benefit.

If you can’t afford to play,
Please don’t play.

But,

If you wanna play,
Please bear your own consequences.

Honestly, if I can’t afford something I want,
I will not force myself to do something disgraceful,
just to obtain the thing I want.
I will just tell myself to get it when I can afford to.

Therefore,

If you do not have such a big head,
Please do not wear such a big cap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-10-13T15:34:00.002+08:00

----------------------------------------

131008

A Big THANK YOU for all the blessings and encouragement.
Grandpa's Bypass Operation on Friday was a success.
Transfered out from ICU on Sunday.
Still quite weak, but condition improved.

Old Folks tend to say,
"Can Die, Cannot Sick"
I finally understand why.
Estimated hospital bill: $70,000 - $90,000.

We people often can't resist all the temptations,
and tend to neglect the consequences of our actions.
But if you have the will to control,
you will have the way to resist temptations.

Remember,

"Eat to live"

And NOT

"Live to Eat"

To all the people out there:

Weather is quite bad lately,
many people are falling sick,
so pls do take loads of care,
And lead a healthy lifestyle.

----------------------------------------

"People always take one another for granted"

Saw this nick, and strongly agreed with it.
Its only when you need someone,
and that someone is not there,
then you'll realize how important that person is.

"Please treasure your loved ones when they're around,
and not only start to miss them when they're not around."

Every small little things you do, matters.
Just a simple hug or sentence, helps.
Showing appreciation to others, benefits both.
Its the quality not the quantity that matters.

----------------------------------

2008-10-09T16:14:00.002+08:00

091008

Grandpa went for ultra scan yesterday.
Discover that 3 of his blood vessels were blocked.
Doctor advised us that it’s too risky to undergo a balloon surgery.
Instead, Grandpa would need to go for a major 5 hrs bypass operation.

May this operation be a smooth and successful one.
With loads of blessings.

-------------------------------------------

Health is something which should not be neglected.
Money can’t buy you good health.
It’s your own responsibility.
It’s never too late to take good care of health,
unless you choose to neglect it.

-------------------------------------------

Deep inside lies a pool of anger & sorrow.
No one understand how i feel.
No one will know what i feel.
Honestly, there is no one.

Its not that i do not want to share,
but no matter how much i share,
there's nothing can be done,
but only for me to suffer all alone.

Not One.
Not Two.
Not Three.
But many problems.

------------------------------------------

2008-10-08T09:31:00.002+08:00

UPDATES

031008

Shopping & Dinner with A, G, M, K @ Town

041008

Samson’s Birthday Party @ Chua Chu Kang
Games session with A, M, K, S, D @ Settlers

051008

Sick
Spent the whole day sleeping @ Home

071008

Two hours of Gym & Swimming with M @ Singapore Island Country Club
Right after exercising, I received phone call that grandpa was admitted to hospital.
This is the second time (within a month) he is admitted to hospital
His heartbeat was above average.
He felt pain around his chest area.
Doctor said he would need to go for a full ultra scan today.
We suspect that he might have another blood artery blockage.

:(

Really hope to see him get well soon.

Expecting myself to recover after a day of rest on sunday,
but this morning my throat seems dry and painful,
and i can't seems to close the tap on my nose.
Got a feeling that i'm gonna fall sick very badly soon.
But this is really not the time for me to fall sick.

:( :(

2008-09-30T12:01:00.002+08:00

.......................................................................................................

UPDATES

190908

Dinner with family @ Dempsey’s Margaritas
Super Import Night with Darryl @ Singapore Expo
Chill-out @ Playground’s 1TwentySix

200908

Jael’s Surprise Party @ Laura’s Place

220908 – 250908

Dinner & Grocery Shopping with Godson @ Bugis & Great World City
Dinner & Stayover for Birthday Bash Preparation with Darryl @ My Place

260908

Chivas Live Party with Darryl @ RVSS [Thanks for the invitation dude]
Clubbing with the Usuals @ O Bar
Drinking with Darryl & friends @ St. James’s Dragonfly

270908

Swimming with Sis & Nicol @ My Place
Shopping & Dinner with the Usuals @ Far East
Hunting for Band Performance @ Clarke Quay
Clubbing with Darryl @ St. James’s Powerhouse

When I’m having fun,
My life seems perfect.
When I’m alone,
My life seems vulnerable.

No matter how much love, care and concern your friends gave you,
Ultimately, you’ll still need someone you love by your side.

At times, I really hate myself.
My life seems fine on the cover,
But beneath the cover lies a pool of blood,
And a frequent suicidal mind.

.......................................................................................................

2008-09-19T11:40:00.002+08:00

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

HAPPENINGS IN MY LIFE

08.08.08 Party @ My House :)
Stayover @ Ming Tiong's House :)
Steamboat Buffet with D & N @ Jalan Bersar :)
Bangkok Holiday Trip :)
BA Society Stayover @ Christina's House :)
Night Cycling with usuals @ ECP
B&J Ice-Cream Supper with Godson @ Dempsey :)
Lunch with A, G, K, Z @ NP's Canteen 1 :)
Lantern Festival Outing with Godson @ Chinese Garden :)
Clubbing @ Zouk :)
Bryan's Surprise Birthday Party @ Laura's House :)
S Farewell Stayover @ My House :)
Lantern Festival BBQ with A, D, E, N, V, W @ My House :)
Mooncake Festival Lunch with Family @ Conrad's Golden Peony :)
Jael's Surprise Birthday Dinner @ Dempsey :)

My Life would be perfect if there were only ups and no downs.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Till today, i still could not understand why are people jealous all the time.
The jealousy in them is never gonna benefit anyone but lead to more conflicts.
If its not meant to be yours, its never gonna be yours.
No matter how jealous you are, it would still never gonna be yours.

Aside from jealousy, extreme self-centered people also turns me off.
Perhaps sparing some thoughts for others had became a disability to them.
If you do not bother to help others, don bother to ask for help when in need.
You will reap what you sow.

Some words or comments might mean nothing to you,
but it had left a deep impact on me.
On the cover, i put on a fake front,
deep in my heart, i felt betrayed.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

2008-09-11T11:43:00.001+08:00

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Recently, there's a special person who brought hope into my life.
Even though we might have a little communication barrier,
but that did not stopped us from having fun and happy memories.
This special bond and love had really motivated me.

And the special person is none other than...

Euclyd.
My Godson.

The first word he said, which brought hope to my life,
is when we first met and he called me...

"Godpa! (in chinese)"

More updates soon :)

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

2008-09-11T10:03:00.002+08:00

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Life is simply just so unpredictable.
Today happy, tomorrow sad.
Today lover, tomorrow enemy.
Today rich, tomorrow poor.

At times, i just wonder why things happen the way it is.
At times, i just wonder if i'm satisfied with my current life.
At times, i just wonder who are the ones you can trust and love.
At times, i just wonder how my future would be.

Can we all just lead a simple and peaceful life instead?
I hope, but i doubt so.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

2008-09-04T09:46:00.002+08:00

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO THOSE WHO TEND TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME:
(ESPECIALLY IN TERMS OF MONETARY BENEFITS)

Please don’t assume that I’m unaware of it.
First time, I will forgive.
Second time, I will forgive.
Third time, true friendship is over.

On the cover, it seems perfectly fine.
Beneath the fake cover, it’s just a ruined reputation I have of you.
There’s always a limit in everything.
Once you cross the limit, it’s the end.

I’m not being calculative or selfish.
But if you think so, please put yourself in my shoes,
And you will understand the feeling of being taken advantage of.
But if you don understand, I have only two words for you,
“CHEAP” & “SHAME”.

GIVE AND TAKE is what it takes to maintain a friendship / relationship.
CONTINUOUS TAKING would only make people felt DISGUSTED.
GREED only shows your true colour and what type of person you are.
TAKING IT FOR GRANTED would only make people DESPISE you.

REMEMBER…

A FAVOR is NOT an OBLIGATION, but an ACT OF GOOD DEED.

*** If you realise it now, please reflect on your actions. ***

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-01T14:51:00.002+08:00

Last week was really a disastrous one.
Suffered a major breakdown at work.
Undergo counseling.
Personal problems occurred.
Everything just seems to fall apart.
Felt very suicidal and emotionally unstable.
Grandpa admitted to hospital on fri.

During the moment of instability,
The thoughts of ending my life lingered on.
Even knowing that it’s not the right solution,
I just felt so weak to carry on.
The strength and motivation which I used to have,
Seems to have diminished as the days goes by.

Fortunately as the week comes to an end,
I’ve managed to calm myself down.
Thanks to all the people who cared for me,
I survived this round of ordeal.

I’m really appreciated for all the support from my loved ones.
Without it, I wouldn’t have survived.
Lastly, I’m glad that the people affected are also staying strong,
And there are still many people who will and always be there for me.

I tried,

I persisted,

I sacrificed,

I surrendered.

What's happened had happened.

Assumptions and jealousy kills.
You took it all upon yourself.
No matter what you do or say,
its no longer important anymore.

2008-08-24T15:47:00.002+08:00

everytime i leave the country,
its always an emo one.
keeping you off my mind,
seems hard to reach.

i hate you.

:'(

2008-08-18T09:37:00.004+08:00

That moment of foolishness and impulsiveness,
Made me once again sank into hell of agony and sadness.

That one message from you,
Led my thoughts ran wild.

Since your decision is made,
I got no choice but to accept.

Since it was and never gonna be the same as before,
Four years of love shall just be regarded as a history.

Yes, even after so long, it still hurts.
Perhaps this is what I get for being naïve.

To the one I loved most before,
Treasure and stay happy always.

Goodbye ITALY.

2008-08-15T15:23:00.003+08:00

As i'm beginning to stand up and face the barriers ahead,
i was being stabbed again.
Each time i fall,
i felt even worst than before.

I really want to leave this place so badly.
There's a limit.
Once it has crossed the limit,
i would never turn back anymore.

Being straightforward might be good,
but subconsciously it might hurt others.
Many of such heartless freak came into my life recently,
and hurt me so badly without even feeling guilty.

To you, it means nothing.
To me, its demoralizing.
I would never shield any critics about us.
As this place do not deserve much respect anymore.

My life hasn't been running smooth lately.
As i blogged this entry,
tears begin to flow,
heart begin to ache again.

:'(

2008-08-13T22:42:00.003+08:00

i really don know how long can i last at work.
i'm mentally and emotionally under tortured.
everyone is making use of me, pushing all the blame to me.
no one understand how i feel.

saying is easy,
but doing is another thing.
i'm just getting a $400 monthly NS pay,
but i'm doing 10 times more than the rest!
And yet being criticised by others!
And not getting appreciated!

ARGH!!!

I NEED A BREAK!!!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

WORK SUCKS!!!

If I CRAZY ONE DAY, ITS ALL BECAUSE OF WORK!!!

ARGH!!!

:'(

till today, no one can replace you...

2008-08-12T22:29:00.002+08:00

12 August 2008.
The day which i'm supposed to receive an award,
from the Commissioner of Police on stage.
But the precious moment slipped away from me.

6 months of hardwork,
which was supposed to gain recognition today,
simply vanished in the air,
leaving me mentally suicidal.

"Just thought of you. Miss you..."
What does this sentence mean?
I really don know what to reply.
Even though...

2008-08-06T09:59:00.003+08:00

Its been quite some time i had blogged.
Life for me is still the same for me.
Ups and Downs.

Happy Outings & Memories with all my Loved Ones :)
New Canon 12.1 Mega-pixels Camera :)
BBQ at my house on 08.08.08 :)
Bangkok holiday trip soon :)

Investment plunging down :(
Workload going up :(
Mentally Stressed :(
Personal Problem :(
Love Problem :(

*Dear, thanks for the warm hugs and sweet smiles*

2008-07-21T16:14:00.002+08:00

The past few nights were terrible.
Nightmares, Sleep-talking and Insomia.
If it was not my mom who told me,
i wouldn't have realise it.

Jumping out of the bed in the middle of the night,
wondering if i'm late for work,
wondering if i had fallen into some deep well,
wondering if i'm in my dream or reality,
wondering if there' still hope between us.

With much thoughts spinning in my head,
heart beats increasing really fast,
body temperature fluctuating,
i begin to get more worried.

But...

During the day,
i seems fine.
Exercising regularly,
occasionally bulging on food,
meeting up with friends,
stoning at times.

With a few exceptions like,
i became more hot-tempered,
and getting paranoid easily.

Perhaps that slit of love,
had indeed made me became another person.

2008-07-14T16:40:00.002+08:00

My heart still seems to remain locked,
even though i had lost the one i loved.
No matter how hard others tried,
my heart still seems to remain locked.

True love seems to be extinct.
Being together with someone who love you as much as you love the person?
The chances of me getting that seems to diminish each day.
Physically Strong, Mentally Weak.

2008-07-12T16:01:00.002+08:00

Ups and Downs.
All come and go.

Tears and Heartache.
Smiles and happiness.

Treasure and Endure.
Parts and Parcel of life.

World Peace.
Strong Economy.
Healthy Lifestyle.
Pure Happiness.

:)

Meaningful & Inspirational

2008-07-09T11:56:00.003+08:00

There was a time when you loved,
There came a time when you hated.

There was a time when you felt you wanted to kill,
Now is the time for you to heal.

There was a time you were broken down,
Now is the time to build yourself up.

There was a time when you were at war in your being,
Now is the time to restore peace within.

Indeed Meaningful and Inspirational.

2008-07-07T23:26:00.002+08:00

As i turn my back away,
tears begin to flow.
As i was on my way home,
tears begin to flow.
As i read the note from you,
tears begin to flow.
As i look at the photos of us,
tears begin to flow.

I know i'm gonna miss you.
But i promise you i will stay strong,
and lead my life to the fullest.
You must too.

Look forward to six months later.

xoxo

2008-06-25T09:00:00.002+08:00

As i look at the photos and words,
heartache blood fall like rain,
precious tears down the drain,
agonizing incision pierced through my head.

I push you ever so far away,
But my heart still cries out for you to stay.
This will fade, I know it be so
But it still hurts to watch you go.

tears.

2008-06-21T21:25:00.003+08:00

If a broken heart could cry a river

to float my boat upon

I would cry all night my love

and in the morning be gone

To travel far away from here

where no one knows I cried

Because you told me you don't love me

and a part of me has died

If I could sail my boat upon that salty sea

and leave behind this hurt I feel

I'd take the chance and flee

even if I'd love you still

sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.

blood

2008-06-18T09:50:00.003+08:00

Surviving just barely
The only way I know how
Struggling to keep my head
Above the rising water

Legs and arms flailing
Running low on morale and hope
Fatigue my nemesis
Showing no sign of defeat

Breathing in water,
My mind is racing,
Vision distorted and
Then slowly everything is gone

Swimming lessons couldn't prepare me enough
For the merciless water
Engulfing me in a torment
Drowning me in the sea of life

I had reached a point in life,
where i just want to bang my head onto the wall,
let the blood flow continously,
and leave this place quietly.

2008-06-11T04:12:00.000+08:00

========================================================

I hereby apologise,
To all those whom i had cancelled my appointment with,
To all those who offered their time to me but was rejected,
To all those who cared a lot and always being there for me,
To all those who had worried so much for me,
To all those who was shunned away by me,
To all those who i had vent my temper on.

I'm really sorry.
I'm really greatly appreciated for all the care and concern offered.

Currently not in a clear state of mind.
So just want some time alone.

Sorry.

=======================================================

Behind my eyes I softly cry holding this pain so close inside,
Behind my smile I slowly frown as my tears come rushing down a feeling inside.

I tried to hide suppressed by my deepest fears,
But I still feel the pain after all of these years.

Think of what you put me through the tears I cried,
And feelings that would not subside.

I trusted you to no end,
even when treated just like a friend.

Though I still love you and probably always will,
I blame you for my heart ache and the reason my tears fell.

Though my whole world seems falling apart,
I forgive you for the bruises on my heart.

I love you for showing me the meaning in each day,
And the truth behind the pain.

You were truly a blessing,
And the reason my heart sang.

=======================================================

last italy

2008-06-09T00:25:00.002+08:00

=====================================================

sorry.
i had tried my best.
i know i can never replace the love you want,
but i had assured you,
the promises i made to you,
would still be fulfilled,
till the very end.

May the happiness of mine,
be sacrificed for yours.
As long as you are happy,
i have no regrets.

===================================================

2008-06-01T23:15:00.002+08:00

============================================

This weekend was a simple one.

Friday

Gym after work.
Dinner @ Holland Village with Eugene, Ryan, Jael, Laura and Hua.
Midnight movie @ The Cathay.
Supper @ Fei Fei Wanton Mee.

Saturday

Long phone chat with wen in the afternoon.
Dinner @ Siglap's Cafe Catel with the usuals.
Rented movie to watch @ Laura's Basement Theatre Room.

Sunday

Spend the whole day at home rotting.
Managed to catch up a bit with my beloved sister.
Watched the touching Earthquake charity show.
Gym after dinner.

Look forward to meet up with A, K, G for dinner this coming week.
As well as catching up with a few of my loved ones.

**To my beloved sister, even though we might be busy with our own life at times, but i know we are still always there for one another. You are the only one who knows everything about me and also the one i trust most. Thanks for always providing me a listening ear when i'm down. And I really look forward to our next movie, supper and shopping together soon! Meanwhile, jiayou and study hard for your common test! LOVE ALWAYS :)

===============================================================

Gave you the highest priority,
and expect just a little from you.
But it seems that the little time and love i expect from you,
can never be fulfilled no matter how hard i tried.

This is not the first time you did this to me,
I don't think i deserve this anymore.
Perhaps the presence of me,
does not mean anything to you anymore.

As i read your other half's blog,
my heart ache so badly.
Became so emotionally unstable,
that i have to close the page,
before i'm gonna do anything silly again.
How i wish i can kill myself now.

===============================================================

2008-05-26T12:02:00.001+08:00

Weekend just seems to pass really fast. It’s something which I look forward and enjoy most.

Happy weekend began early on Thursday evening. A, K, G and I went Marina Area for dinner, shopping and chat. Simple yet enjoyable.

Friday evening was a pretty rush, hilarious and enjoyable one. Six of us had dinner at Central’s Billy Bombers, then followed by KTV in Chinatown till 1plus. We laughed our way through the whole singing session, sang a few duets, gave one another comments and praises on our singing and drank lots of honey water.

Dropped by to ECP to meet pick K up from soccer, then went for supper at Geylang’s Best Dim Sum. Food was as good and as pricy as before. Its only Friday and we had started making plans of where to go for good food the following week. This time we are really gonna grow wider and wider.

Saturday morning! I overslept, but thankfully our meeting time was postponed. Arrived at Sentosa’s Amara Sanctuary and met up with V, P and R. Lunch at Koufu, then went back to the hotel roof top pool to chill with additional few. Afternoon was spent at playing games and dipping in the pool at Café Del Ma. Great place to chill with your loved ones. As the sun begins to set, we headed back to the hotel’s roof top pool again. All were out with our funny and weird moves. One comment for the place; the scenery and ambience there are fantastic. I would recommend couples who want to spend a romantic weekend in Singapore to go there.

After bathing, all their stomachs were growling and starving for food, except for mine. Late dinner at Pasir Panjang’s Cheese Prata Shop. Atmosphere was ermm.. Shall not comment it here, but I think we all know. As the night was still early, we decided to go drinking at Holland Village. All the laughter and interesting lessons kept me from all the thinking for a moment, but after that, it was a gloomy night.

They realized I was not feeling good, so they tried to cheer me up. Drove to Fei Fei stall at Joo Chiat for supper. And I had one hour of counseling and advice on the love problem I faced. Went home and stared onto the wall for an hour before going to bed.

Spend my whole Sunday waiting for your message, and by the time I had dinner with my mom and sis, I knew my hope of meeting you on the night of our special day had vanished in the air.

Is there really telepathy between us?

2008-05-17T14:20:00.002+08:00

Looking at yours photos on a sat afternoon,
listening to the music we once shared,
thinking of the small little thing you did,
loving you as much as before.

even though you might not be the best,
but it seems no one can replace you.

2008-05-16T11:27:00.002+08:00

===============================================================

Wednesday night, this caring and kind-hearted brother of me, after my dinner, went to pick my sister up from school, then took her to Cathay for her dinner and desserts. We shared a XXL Chicken, a bowl of mee sua and a sausage with egg crepes at Taiwan Shiling shop, then went on to Ben & Jerry ice cream to have a 'mix & match' for dessert. Even just that 2 hours, we still managed to catch up quite a bit. Happy for her too, but at the same time, heart little aching too.

Last night, two of the usuals and i went to Central for dinner. We had fish and chips at some restaurant called Fisherman's Waft or something. Price and food are fantastic. Furthermore, i just disovered that Central has many nice restaurant there, including many Japanese and western ones. Perhaps its another good place for us to meet us for dinner soon. After dinner we shopped around, and after which we recieved Guojie's phonecall that he is not joining us. So with a full stomach, we decided to go play bowling.

After driving around town to search for a bowling place for us to bowl, we managed to settle down at Marina Square's Superbowl. Two rounds of laughter and jeering from one another followed by a short while at the arcade. And guess what? Among the three of us who compete in the car racing, the one without a certified driving licence practically came in first during the race, which made us both looking at each other like fools.

The last few nights to sleep were terrible.
Tears of the memories.
Tears of sadness.
Tears of misses.

I Knew i had loose you, now and forever.

================================================================

2008-05-13T22:40:00.002+08:00

=======================================================

Three days of weekend just passed like a breeze. Even though it was just a simple one, I am glad that it had managed to take my mind away from work and let my brain take a short break. But during weekdays, there is always never ending amount of work. I’m not giving up, because I want to be the first in my department to achieve a double promotion. I will try my best to excel to the fullest within the next few months.

Friday night was just shopping and dinner with sister in town. Night ended early with irresistible dessert from “Gastro....”

Saturday started off with family brunch at Crystal Jade Palace to celebrate mother’s day. After lunch, accompanied grandma to Chanel, then went LV to get some personalization on my cardholder settled. Dropped by UOB for 2 hours to do some research on investment and hoping to get my personal credit card. If everything goes according to plan, I hope to get my own UOB VISA Signature card within the next 3 months. It’s the second most prestige credit card offered by UOB, after the UOB Infinite card which can only be obtained through invitation.

After settling my investment stuff, I met back with my sister for shopping and bumped into Ryan, victor and laura. As the sun sets, we went for dinner at Food Republic and continued shopping in town before heading to Wheelock Place for dessert at Big ‘O’. Desserts there were fantastic, much better than expected, and the companions were great! Rushed off to Cineleisure to meet shawn for movie. We watched “What Happen in Vegas”. It’s really a romantic comedy, which made me laugh and at the same time made me tear twice.

At one part of the show, it brings me back to the blissful memories I had, and it was also the last night we spend together. I remembered how we danced together, and how we spend the extraordinary and unforgettable night together. At that moment, the tap just opened, gushing out tears filled with sadness and memories. I wonder again, why you choose to end everything when you got other better alternatives than this.

Saturday midnight was spent at East Coast Lagoon, with supper and a long chat on the topic “Love”. Different opinions and views evolved, and on our way home, we emoed. Reached home at 2am, but couldn’t sleep, so listened to music and emo..

As the sun shined through the curtains, I managed to pull myself up for lunch. Afternoon was a rather sad and emotional one but do not wanna raise it up anymore. Napped for 3 hours, before proceeding for Mother’s Day dinner with Mom, sister and shawn at Parkway. Weekend just concluded with me cuddling under the new blankets at my Bukit Timah home.

Three more days to go before a long weekend! Look forward in meeting up with my two angels, and hopefully can meet up with my buddies, and not forgetting with planning for my investments.

Till my next update, please take loads of care. LOVE.

==========================================================

another unexpected discovery..

2008-05-07T19:33:00.005+08:00

==================================================

Last two nights were terrible. I was extreme emotionally unstable due to all the problems and stress faced. At one point of time, I felt suicidal. Life seems meaningless. But thankfully, there’s some kind soul out there who calmed me there and encouraged me to stay positive.

Even so, tears accompanied me to bed and woke me up with a pair of puffy eyes.

This morning, I was so nervous for my presentation that I went toilet thrice. Finally after more than 10 rounds of rehearsal, I managed to control myself and pulled through the presentation. With all the effort and time put in during the last two months, we managed to clinch the Silver position. Furthermore, my team was selected to take part in the SPF WITS Convention, where all the best performance teams from every department in the Singapore Police Force will compete against each other for the overall top three.

Happy about the results? I can say, mixed feelings.

On the happy side, I am glad and proud that I managed to complete the bulk of a 12 person project and helped the team clinch silver. As for the down side, I think I had begun to have phobia in the project, after spending so much time on it. And I am tired of it. Yes, I had learnt a lot from this project. But somehow, I had lost the enthusiasm and strength.

Searching for my source of motivation and inspiration.

Something unexpected but not surprised. Dropped by the gym during lunch today, and discover strength level went down one notch. And weight went down 2 kg within the last 5 days. Probably due to the frequent toilet runs and lost in appetite.

==================================================

Finally saw the other side of you.
You can practically fall in love with a new one within such a short time.

The one I love most is no longer the same as the one I used to love anymore.
The one who still love you is also no longer the same as the one who used to love you most.

=======================================================

Sick

2008-05-04T22:14:00.002+08:00

Hello to all my loyal readers..

I know it’s been quite some time since I last blogged. You might wonder why I didn't blog. The reason is I had lost the strength. Perhaps all the stress I faced at work had pulled my down. In addition, my health had declined.

Recently, my WITS project had been selected, and I am required to prepare and do a presentation next week. With such a short period of time, I had managed to come out with a 40 slides presentation. But honestly, I think I am suffering from a burnout.

The pile of work I had is never ending. After my WITS project, I would have to do a department E-Newsletter, followed by a revamp of the department webpage. In the midst of such workload, I would have to rush out several other reports, such as the monthly late payment report and GC reports. All these are just additional work to my workload as the PA to my director.

As for my personal life, I had been spending time celebrating friends’ birthday, catching up with friends, exercising to stay healthy and at the same time prepare for the triathlon. Thankfully, I had managed to take lots of photos to capture all these happy memories. Sorry for the delay in uploading and sending of photos, will get it done soon.

This weekend was a sad one. My sister had been down with a high fever of almost 41 degree. Fever persisted since Friday even after sending her to East Shore Hospital on Sat early morning. I was really so afraid and anxious for her that I cried on my way to supermarket yesterday. She is someone whom means a lot to me, really. She knows my entire problems. She kept me occupied when I am down. I really love her loads.
I really hope to see her recover soon.

As she was resting at home yesterday, I went Parkway alone to buy some grocery and nutrients for family. Upon reaching home, I changed and head down to the gym before going to East Coast Park for rollerblading, and bumped into Eugene and group there too. I am used to rollerblading alone, as it brings back many memories which I know I could never get back again. That few drops of tears were the results of it.

When I reached home, my whole body suddenly felt so weak and starts to ache. Unfortunately, I had been down with flu and swollen throat again. At night, I was having some breathing difficulties and at the same time throat was aching badly. I thought sleep could help to relieve some pain, but in fact, its worst. The dreams I had were far more painful than the pain I faced in reality.

Hope I can really sleep better tonight, after taking medicine and loads of water.

I am really appreciated to have so many people who cared for me, and trying their best to cheer me up when I am down. All the hard work you guys put in had really made me a happier person. Honestly, I had managed to put down all the unhappiness when I am out with you guys. But when I am alone, it seems that I had not moved out of the shell. Too personal to express it here, but I believe those who knows about it, understands how I felt.

That’s all for now. Got to stop blogging here, to allow my body to have ample rest, before putting on a strong front in battling the challenges ahead of me.

Take loads of care everyone.

xoxo

========================================

I dream of how i had been there for you when you are sick.
I dream of holding your hands tightly to keep you warm.
I dream of seeing you sleep soundly and covering the blanket over you.
I dream of how i had taken care of you since the first day.

All these had became history.

=========================================

tears of blood

2008-04-23T15:29:00.000+08:00

Monday night, I made another big mistake. The mistake is sending you a message when I know the answer myself. I practically waited almost 2 hours near your house for the reply.

You asked me for the reason, and I told you the reason.

Even though I know the answer would be a No, I thought you would be kind enough to offer other possible solution or make an effort to meet me, but in the end you didn’t.

Till today, I still could not accept the fact that you had given up everything between us, and managed to live your life with others happily.

Friends of 4 months cared for me even more than you, whom I know for 4 years and sacrificed the most for. This shows how much I mean to you.

Questions of who’s at fault had been circulating in my mind lately. Occasionally, I would put the blame on myself for falling in love with you so deeply even though I knew there’s no future between us.

But every now and then, I would recap on the happy memories we had, and they had begin to convince myself that it’s not my fault. How can I not fall in love with you, when you had continuously showered me with all the sweet words, cute little things a couple would do, and all the little hope you gave me? The sacrifices and time we made for one another? All the things we did together?

Does it mean everything is gone like this?

And now that I had fall so deep for you, you practically just said it’s impossible between us, and you walked away, but offering help as and when you like. Perhaps you might think that a simple reason of “we can only be friends” could let me stop loving you?

The reply would be, “It’s not gonna be easy for someone like me to stop loving the person whom I had loved the most in my last 20 years.”

Yes, my words might be crude or you might think I am pushing all the blame to you. You might disagree with what I said, and felt you had tried your best in solving the problem. I agree to a certain extent, but I also strongly believe that I do not deserve such treatment from you.

Four months ago, we had a memorable night and you gave me all the hope that we could carry on. But after that night, you just threw me aside, letting me suffer all alone. You treated me like a kite, redrawing it only when it had gone too far, and letting it go when you are tired with it.

You might think that the impact for all these is just tears. I thought so too. But yesterday morning, I discovered that I had an internal bleeding relapse. It’s most likely due to the effects of mental breakdown and emotion instability.

No one knows what will happen to me tomorrow, neither do I.

*Keeping myself busy everyday can’t seems to refrain me from thinking about you, and even if its helps, it’s only a temporary solution.

i still love you.

2008-04-13T22:01:00.000+08:00

=========================================================

To all my loyal readers..

I would like to say a big thank you to all those who showered me with all the support and encouragement over the past one month. All those who had been there for me are indeed my true friends, and will be my true friends for life.

Sad to say, I had went through several rough patches recently, and what I had been through all these while had really drained me out physically and mentally. All the silent cries I had alone, all the stress i faced and all the heart aching I suffered, had really changed my life.

Aside from my personal life, piles of stressful work were also draining me out. Imagine one person with barely any knowledge about the topic and was told to complete a 12 person group project, with highest expectations. Aside from WITS Project, I had been busy helping out with the closing of accounts for the FY 2007, had discussion with Director regarding Worldwide Police Force, prepared for director's meeting etc. With so much work and stress on me, I got no choice but to stayed back in office till 8pm or rushing the project at home till midnight. Mentally exhausted but at least I learnt a lot.

On a lighter note, I had enjoyed myself during my 8days holiday. Thx to Patricia and her family for bringing me around Hong Kong, Shenzhen and Macau. Aside from my holidays, I had also managed to catch up with few of my close friends and had some fun. As for those whom I had not catch up with, I believe we will soon, even though I am always busy at work. But I promised we will find time for one another soon.

Lastly, I really do not know what my future would be or what i would become, but I would like to reassure all my loved ones that I treasure and love you guys loads, and I will try my best to stay strong and live my life to the fullest and most important stay happy. Look forward in creating more happy memories with all of you.

Once again, a BIG THANK YOU.

Yours Sincerely,
Dixon
"Mr Thanks"

==========================================================

As for you and i... (If you happen to read this)

I really do not know what's going on between us anymore. The harder i tried the more disappointment I get. Every now and then, I would try to find out how have you been doing, to see if you need a shoulder to lean on. But it seems you had many other potential ones whom you would choose over me.

Every time when I need you so badly, you were just not there for me. In the first place, it’s not me that expect too much from you, but it’s you who didn't even try. This shows how much I mean to you. Perhaps you might say there's no fate between us, but if it’s so, we wouldn't have started in the first place.

Perhaps it’s not your fault; it’s me who had not taken the first step earlier. Perhaps I could not satisfy what you are looking for in life. Perhaps I am not good enough for you. Perhaps I am fated to fall so deep for someone who doesn't love me at all.

It’s been 4 months since we last met. During these 4 months, I know you had your ups and downs too. When you are feeling down, I am not feeling good either. I was thinking so hard of how to help you, till the extent of willing to sacrifice my happiness in exchange for your happiness. It’s not the first time I am doing this, but even though no matter what I do, I know I couldn't open the lock to your heart.

When you are having fun, I have mixed feelings. Happy for you because the one I love most is doing well and living life to the fullest. Not feeling good is because I miss the happy memories we had and wonder why is it so difficult for us to spend more time together. And honestly, felt jealous at times.

We seem to have drifted far apart from one another. To you, it might not mean anything to you, but to me, it means so much. Just like that day when you saw me without me knowing, and I saw you without you knowing. My heart beats so fast, whole stomach filled with butterflies and mind totally went blank. My first reaction was I thought I could turn away and treat it as nothing has happened, but I realize I couldn't. I wanted you so badly, with only one reason and that is I still love you.

Yesterday as I was watching movie, my tears flowed continuously. Yes, the movie was indeed touching, but actually the main reason was because I miss you, I miss the happy moments, I miss having you by my side. I thought I had moved on, but deep in my heart, I have not.

Do you know why I’m still holding on to you even though I know you had moved on?

The answer is because no one can replace the love and happiness you had given me. And you, whom I love most, is still the same since the first day I know you, who can make me the happiest person on earth. You had inspired and motivated me to live my life to the fullest. No matter how happy I am now, my life still seems quite empty without you.

Italy, I am right here waiting for you.

================================================================

Good bye

2008-03-10T14:20:00.005+08:00

=====================================================

As i look at the sentences, i feel the stab in my heart.
So pain that i could barely catch my breath.

The insignificance of me in your life had became the fact.
Felt like the biggest fool in this world.

Nothing can describe how i am feeling.
I just feel like killing myself.
Ending all the misery.

Can someone just kill me now?!

I really need to leave this place....
Not gonna blog here anytime soon...

GOODBYE!

=========================================================

2008-03-09T12:52:00.002+08:00

==========================================================

As i am beginning to live a simple life,
more complications approaches.
Everything seems so fragile now,
i can simply lose everything the next moment.

Mentally and physically exhausted again.
Fall sick since thurs.
Thought it was just a mild one,
but it seems to worsen.
Having breathing difficulties now.
Perhaps i really need the doctor.

Thanks shawn for the beautiful money clipper from Tiffany & Co.
Enjoyed the night with you.
Perhaps we should just stay single,
don let them make our life miserable.

======================================================

The phone conversation that night was unexpected.
One of the longest we had since a year ago.
You are still the one i love most,
even though i know you don't.

So much to say...

Perhaps shall continue the rest in my personal blog.

:(

=======================================================

2008-03-04T23:14:00.003+08:00

========================================================

As i were chatting with my friends and family about my poly life.
I begin to miss it even more.
Its really one of my happiest moments in my 21 years.
The memorable poly experience has so much to share.
But i think actions speak louder than words.
So i would like to share with you guys two videos which i had did for my projects.

*Before watching the video, yo might wanna stop the background music by clicking on the stop button at the toolbar above*

Video One - A Problematic Family

Video Two - A Happy Family

i really miss all the happy memories.

==========================================================

2008-03-02T13:18:00.002+08:00

=======================================================

Day after day, i am beginning to live my life to the fullest.
Excelling in work brings me closer to my double promotion.
Exercising everyday gives me a healthier lifestyle.
Spending more time with family and friends makes me feel better.

Even though many problems are arising each day,
it seems the only thing i can do is,
keep myself busy and not think about it.
Learn to treasure what i have,
so if i lose it,
i still have the happy memoris with me.

=========================================================

As for you and me...

Its all in my personal blog.

======================================================

2008-02-25T23:36:00.002+08:00

=======================================================

I love you now and forever.
I will alway be there for you.
Thats a promise for life.
ITALY.

==========================================

2008-02-24T14:00:00.001+08:00

=====================================================

Grandma went for surgery on Friday.
Glad everything went smoothly,
and she is on her way to recovery.
Look forward to go shopping with her soon!

A Big Thank You to Xiaoxuan for my birthday present.
Really touched and appreciated.
Thanks for everything.
Shall meet up again soon!

So much ups and downs again this week.
Life is just so volatile.
One moment i can be happy,
next moment i felt suicidal.

All i want is just a simple and happy life,
is that really so difficult?
No one understand how i feel,
unless you are on the same boat as i do.

To ALL those who always break people's heart:

What so good about hurting the people who love you?
What can you get out of it?
Why can't you be faithful?
What had the person did that make he/she deserve this from you?
Are you going to play with people's feeling even till you reach 100?
Do you want others to cheat on your feelings as well?
Can you spare a thought for others?
Do you know you will reap what you sow?

You guys not only hurting one person, but hurting many people.
You guys are just taking people for granted.
You think what you do is right.
But let me tell you,
You will only get condemned and hated.
No one are gonna trust you anymore.
Scolding you guys all the vulgarities will only dirty my mouth.

I strongly despise such heartless people.
Even no matter how successful such people are,
they just worth nothing to me.
Even a piece of shit is worth more than such people.

*** Sorry if my words above sounds offending.
I am just saying what i felt.
And if you are not those who break people's heart,
i believe you will agree with what i mentioned above.

=========================================================

2008-02-20T23:50:00.003+08:00

======================================================

perhaps its better to lead an anonynomus life.
without getting hurt or hurting anymore.
cause no matter what you do,
everyone will still have complaints.

its for me to know, for you to find out.

=======================================================

2008-02-16T16:51:00.003+08:00

=======================================================

I really didn't expect to bump into you last night.
The moment i look into your eyes,
i felt the sharp pain in my heart,
cause there seems to be a barrier between us.

I really feel like giving you a big hug,
to tell you how much i miss you,
to keep you by my side forever,
to forget the past and have a new beginning,
But it seems i need a miracle for it to happen.

You don't seems to look good when we met.
The sense of awkwardness and emptiness.
I really wanna know how you are doing,
i realy wanna know what's your mind is thinking.
But it seems you are avoiding me.

No words can exactly describe how i felt,
but the moment i turn my back away from you,
tears starts to flow continously,
as i clunch my fist tightly.

Bringing a emotionally unstable mind into the cinema,
i couldn't stop thinking about us,
and as the movie reached the peak,
tears starts to flow again.
Cause it brings back all the memories,
since the day i know you.

I really don't know what to do now.
But all i know is...

I really still love you.

====================================================

2008-02-15T12:00:00.000+08:00

=======================================================

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!

I LOVE U!

=======================================================

Not fated to meet, and a lonely valentine's day.

2008-02-13T21:23:00.002+08:00

=======================================================

Fall sick the past few days,
down with flu and fever,
took panadol and plenty water.

First few days of work at PHQ.
As a PA to Director of Admin & Finance.
With several other duties.
Rather exhausting but valuable to my future.

=====================================================

Even though we were just a room away,
we are still not fated to meet.

Butterflies in stomach,
heart beating furiously,
mind spinning continously,
eyes flooded with tears.

Spending Valentine's Day without you,
but only with tears of happy memories we had.

======================================================

2008-02-08T01:37:00.000+08:00

========================================================

Celebrating chinese new year supposed to be a happy and exciting one,
but this year my heart seems so heavy and hurt.
Putting on a bright smile when family are around,
but beneath me lies a pool of misery and loneliness.

========================================================

2008-02-07T00:59:00.000+08:00

======================================================

The lock represents my heart of love for you.

I gave you the key to my heart.

But did you ever treasure it?

=======================================================

2008-02-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

=======================================================

Had a small accident this morning.

Don't know how long can i last.

Knife piercing through a wounded heart,
bleeding profusely without bandages.

Swollen eyes with broken eye vessels,
gushing out tears continously.

========================================================

2008-01-31T23:29:00.000+08:00

=========================================================

I really don know what to do.
Feeling so helpless.
I really miss you.
Feeling so lonely.

Even though i am not physically there for you,
but deep in my heart,
i still really care for you,
and hope everything will be fine for you.

The ocean of tears i shed every night,
is incomparable to the love i have for you.

=====================================================

2008-01-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

======================================================

Will be starting my 1 week SA training tomorrow.
For my convenience, i had moved to Bukit Timah.
Staying at my grandparents' house,
i am gonna grow wider again.

Went shopping with daddy and mommy today.
Got a new black Hugo Boss jeans,
a grey Calvin Klein pants,
a G-Star t-shirt.
Daddy broke a hole in the pocket,
spending about $3000 in 2 hrs.
But CNY is around the corner,
so gonna continue my shopping spree again this coming week!

=====================================================

I really don't know what's wrong with you.
The one i used to love is not the you now anymore.
Not even a msg or reply?
Even when you know i miss you.

"So near yet so far..."

====================================================

2008-01-24T22:51:00.000+08:00

=====================================================

Spent 3 days of block leave with 3 groups of friends.
Was rather meaningful and happy to meet up with you guys.
Gonna update more about it soon.

Just received something negative.
Hope you are staying strong and coping with it.
Remember, I am always here for you.
Just like the way you are there for me.

Another piece of negative news today.
Something too personal.
No matter what's the outcome,
i will still give you my full support.
So you must stay strong & never give up.
You still have a bright future ahead of you.
Love you always.

===================================================

I really miss you so badly.
Ending each day with tears.

===================================================

2008-01-22T01:35:00.000+08:00

=======================================================

Sushing Making with my two Angels

=====================================================

2008-01-19T00:32:00.001+08:00

===========================================

Today is my Passing Out Parade.
Filled with mixed feelings.
Happy to have graduated,
as a full-time police officer.

Even though this 3 months has its ups & downs,
at least i made a few true friends,
learn a lot about life,
and enjoyed myself too.

I am gonna miss the training and fun we had.
All the endurances we've been through,
all the "delicious" food we had,
all the polishing of boots.
Will never forget all this wonderful memories.

POP was a success today.
Really thankful for the beautiful weather.
Mom and sis showed me their support.
Love you two loads.

==============================================

As i was looking at some of our photos & messages,
i clunch my fist tightly,
banging my head on the table
and getting chocked in tears.

=============================================

2008-01-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

======================================================

POP rehearsal for the past two days was reasonably good.
Just had our Graduation Dinner hours ago.
Our superiors were very satisfied with our performance,
so they allowed us to book out tonight.

Just a short note:

To my loved ones,

Sorry for neglecting you guys recently.

The past 3 months was busy with training in camp,
falling sick so frequent and spending time with family.
There had been lots of ups and downs around,
which resulted a change in my lifestyle.
Hope you guys understand.

Really thank you to all who cared for me.
Without the support you guys gave me,
i wouldn't have come so far.

As i am graduating from my training,
i believe i would be able to manage my time better,
and catch up with you guys again.

Chinese New Year is also around the corner.
This give us another chance to meet up,
and celebrate the happy occasion together.

Weather had been quite badly lately,
so rmb do drink more water,
have ample rest,
and take loads of care.

Lastly, i would like to say,
YOU GUYS HAD BEEN MISSED!
N i look forward in meeting up with all of you.

CHEERS TO ALL MY LOVED ONES!

======================================================

As i was on my way back to camp on sun,
tears flowed throughout the journey.
Endured and controlled, but failed.
Another emotional breakdown.

Wondering when will you stop doing this to me.
Treating me like a kite,
pulling it when its getting too far,
letting it go when its getting too near.

====================================================

2008-01-13T19:55:00.000+08:00

===================================================

Yesterday was never happier without my two angels.
Love you guys loads!
Gonna update about it again soon.
But a clue about it... Got to do with making of food! :)

So happy to meet jo at Raffles City too.
Look forward to meet and catch up with you soon!

Ended the day with an sweet and caring phone call :)

---------

Today suddenly got down with cold in the late afternoon.
Feeling as if i am gonna breakdown again.
Hope panadol can relieve the torture.

Passing Out Parade this fri.
Hope everything runs smoothly.

=====================================================

As i was listening to one of the songs you send me,
i almost break down in tears.

But i didn't.

Cause i told myself,
nothing gonna change,
even if i shed tears for you.

Wanted to share my POP happiness with you,
but now i think its never gonna be possible.
Perhaps we are never fated to share each other's happiness.

:(

================================================

2008-01-12T02:29:00.001+08:00

======================================================

you had went beyond hope,

wonder where your heart went to,

cause you can just simply leave me alone,

just enjoy yourself without bothering about us.

a boy who is warded into hospital for observation,

is still insignificant and unimportant,

compared to other people who is healty,

and spending time on them is still your top priority.

perhaps only these people can make you happy,

and if it is so,

all i can say is,

"birds who fly out of the cage,

would never return to the cage"

i don know when this is gonna last till,
i am just gonna live my life without you,
lead a healthy, happy and simple lifestyle,
and hope everything goes smoothly.

======================================================

2008-01-06T17:06:00.000+08:00

=====================================================

Some disappointment for me, 2008 started off on a low note.

On Thurs evening, i had a headache and was feeling quite weak.
Went to camp's clinic twice but was rejected by nurse.
Reason? Clinic is too busy and full, nurse said come back tomorrow.
My condition begin to worsened, so went to seek help from ASP.
Cut short the process, in the end, i managed to see the camp's doct.

But...

Doct said i need to be send into hospital's A&E for observation.
A few weeks ago, i was diagnosed with low blood sugar level.
Upon arrival at Alexandra Hospital, doct checked my sugar level again.
And even after drinking a cup sugar water,
my blood sugar level still fall below the healthy level.
In addition, i vomitted once on my way to hospital.
And my hands were freezing cold.

So...

Doct said i need an injection even after i strongly rejecting it.
After injection, I was put on drip for more than an hour for observation.
The needle was so thick and long :(
My whole arms was numb after the drip.
As i was undergoing observation,
my heart beat falls below the min,
at that moment, i thought i was going to die.
My health is really bad :(

In the end...

Given 3 days of MC to rest at home.

========================================================

Just when i needed you so badly,
you weren't there for me.

I always forgive and forget,
and only think positively.

But i realised, i am only cheating myself.
This time round, i am really disappointed.

Do i really deserve to be a spare tyre?
Only used when needed?

I am tired of this. Really.
Ending this entry with a few drops of tears.

========================================================

2008-01-01T19:59:00.001+08:00

*******************************************************************

Wish everyone A HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

Good HEALTH!

&

Good LUCK!

&

Loads of HAPPINESS!

********************************************************************

Loving you as much as my heart can love.
The key to my heart now lies in your hand.

======================================================

2007-12-23T15:55:00.000+08:00

================================================================

Hey everyone!

Its been a week since i had blogged.
Time really passes very fast when you are busy.
Even though there are ups and downs,
i am still glad that at the end of this week,
there is finally a smile on my face.

Had another round of shopping and eating spree.
Managed to get a few christmas gifts.
Family gathering was fun and warming.
Had a great time with my two special ones.

Something sad happened too.
Flunked in one of my Scenario Based Test.
Got to work hard really hard for my oncoming exam.

Secondly, the lack of responsibility in someone.
It resulted in some disputes and unhappiness,
which dampened all our mood for this festive season.
I don know when will all these end,
but i really hope for peace and happiness.

Nothing and no one is perfect in this world,
all we can do is to stay positive,
do what we like and should do,
and wait for the light of happiness.

================================================================

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

How am i gonna celebrate my xmas?

Every year during christmas,
my family would be stay at Grand Hyatt.
A short 3D2N relaxing and enjoyable stay.

As for Christmas dinner,
this year we would be having it at Marriot Hotel.
With loads of delicious food and desserts :P

After dinner would be celebration with my two special ones.
Would be exchanging X'mas pressie and a small party.
Might visit the tallest X'mas tree at Mount Faber too.

On Christmas day itself,
we would be chilling and relaxing at the hotel,
followed by booking in for camp in the night.

As christmas is just one day,
so its kind of hard to celebrate with everyone,
but we will definately have our celebrations again soon.

Really look forward to all the post-christmas celebrations,
and also new year countdown which is around the corner!

Let me here wishes everyone a...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Have a warm and enjoyable holiday!

CHEERS!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To the person who holds the key to my heart:

Even though its something you should do,
but i am really surprised and touched by it.
At that moment, i felt so secure and loved.
Once again, my love for you grew stronger.

Listening your lovable voice,
it brings back all our happy memories.
Perhaps its all your sweet words,
and the charismatic in you that melts my heart.

Just simply can't stop thinking about you.
Really hope as 2007 comes to an end,
we can end it on a high note,
with sweet and blissful memories.
Look forward in celebrating our special day.

- ITALY ALWAYS -

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

2007-12-16T18:59:00.001+08:00

=====================================================================

This weekend birthday celebration was a great & memorable one.
Birthday wishes from all my beloved friends and family.
Presents from all my darlings.
Celebrations had touched my heart.
I am really greatly appreciated for everything.

Got so much happy moments n photos to share.
But time is at a disadvantage for me,
as i have to book into camp soon.
So i can only share with you guys again next week.

Here, i wish like to say a BIG THANK YOU to those who made my birthday a happy and memorable one.

I really look forward to our next outings again soon.

LOVE YOU GUYS LOADS!

================================================================

To my best friend:

You always tell me to stay strong,
look on the brighter side of life.

I did and i enjoyed myself this time.

I strongly believe that everything will be fine,
and you must stay strong,
look on the brighter side of life,
and continue to strive for excellence.

No matter how tough the road ahead is,
i believe you can conquer everything,
n most importantly,
i am always here for you.

Take loads of care!

Really look forward to see the smile on ur face =D

==================================================================

Everything turn out as what i had expected.
I know the barrier will remain,
so no matter how hard i tried,
there has no meaning anymore,
cause it will still be there.

Even though i still felt the sharp pain,
there is nothing much i could do.
All i can is think of the past memories,
and tears will just flow.

i miss and love you :(

================================================================

2007-12-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

==============================================================

As the clock ticked past midnight,
tears start to fall.

=============================================================

2007-12-12T20:07:00.001+08:00

================================================================

After a month of sick-free,
i fall sick again.
Fever, flu, bad headache and cough.
This time a more severe one.

Was in camp on mon.
Fever went up even after taking panadol.
Went into NUH at 10.30pm.
Undergo observation as my blood sugar level was too low.
Doct was also surprised to see my swollen tonsils.
Had some breathing difficulties too.
Stayed in hospital for a few hours.
Was given 4 days MC cause really need to rest.

Came home on tues.
Condition didn't improve.
Instead, i begin to sneeze out blood.
Got to return to hospital again if condition persist.

After sleeping for more than 15 hrs,
i woke up this morning with tears,
cause my throat was really so sore,
with a bad headache.

Falling sick when the special day of mine is coming.
Sigh :(
Really hope to recover soon.

==============================================================

Do not expect anything from you anymore.
Your life is just beautiful without me.
Excuses are just excuses.
I had enough, really.

==============================================================

2007-12-09T18:53:00.000+08:00

==================================================================

Exam just 18days away.
With tones to study n memorise.
Scenario Based Test just 10 days away.
Filled with anxiety.
Mentally exhausted again.

Aside from dealing with this.
I had also met many people from all walks of life.
Trusting and getting along with them seems difficult.
Became quite bad-tempered lately because of this.

Life is really so volatile and unpredictable.
Regrets, disappointment, anger and happiness.
People are never satisfied with what they have.
This leads to all the jealousy and conflicts.

Over the last few weeks,
my sister and i became even closer.
With so many similarities,
she is someone who understand how i felt,
and gave me all the advices n support i need.
When i have problems,
she is the first one to discover it,
and hope that i can forget it,
and put a smile on my face.
Gonna miss her loads when back in camp.
Love you mei mei =D

================================================================

The insignificance in your life had became a reality.
I had began to accept it, because...

I really do not have any more strength.

===================================================================

2007-12-02T02:32:00.000+08:00

=================================================================

Two Hearts As One

Posted this song specially for you.
Stay strong and bear in mind,
I am and will always be there for you.
ITALY.

A brief and simple translation of the song lyrics...

You stand behind me,
Staying strong and brave,
Overcoming the strong wave,
Walking pass the tall mountains.

I stand behind you,
accompanying you by your side.
When you have any problems,
i will share it with you.

The warm you gave me,
lead me out of the darkness.
This piece of love,
is as deep as the foot of the ocean.

I am right beside you,
sharing all your burden.
Our hearts tied together as one,
year after year.

True love never change,
cannot live without the other half.
One step, one footprint.
Footprint stick together as one,
walk together till the very end.

======================================================================

2007-12-01T02:43:00.000+08:00

======================================================================

I really feel so useless.
For not being able to be there for you.
For not understanding you well enough.
For not being able to protect you.
For not taking good care of you.
For not being a strong pillar for you to lean on.
For so many reasons.

Speechless with tears.
"Sorry..."

I love you like I've never loved anyone before.

You weren't only my love,
but you were my friend as well.

I never meant to hurt you, my dear,
and I am sorry if I did.

My heart belongs to you,
and that will never change.

My love for you is strong, my dear,
and it keeps growing every day.

Keep your head high, my dear,
and never let it fall.

I do truly love you, dear,
and I know I always will.

================================================================

2007-11-27T08:42:00.000+08:00

Blogging on my handphone.
Last weekend was a happy one.

Friday

Went for dinner at Surf n Turf.
Followed by shoppin.

Saturday

Swim 50 laps in the morning.
Meet up wif S in town for lunch.
Another shopping spree.
Got 3 same item.
Then went to pick grandma up.
Accompanied her for shopping at Paragon.
Next was dinner at Orchard Hotel.
Buffet was fantastic, i think we two ate more than 7 rounds!
After dinner, we went straight down to St James Power Station.
Booked a table for 30 guest to celebrate grandma birthday.
S n I were underage, but luckily we knew the owner n singers, so managed to sneak in.
Brought the clubbing virgin around.
Bumped into ex-outram sec colleagues.
Clubbed till about 2 plus n only managed to sleep at 5am.

Sunday

This day was a really special n happy one. Enjoyed myself n treasure the happy memories we had. But shall blog about it again this weekend.

But would like to thank u guys for adding sparks to my life. N never fail to be there for me.

Only managed to reach home at 7.45pm before rushing back to camp.

==========================

I dream of u last night.
We appear as strangers.
A big barrier between us.
Woke up in the middle of night,
With nothing but tears.

==========================

2007-11-20T19:58:00.000+08:00

Walking down the road alone,
Staring at the dark sky,
Thinkin of the sweet n romantic moments,
With droplets of tears.

Each time after i hug you,
Each time after i look into ur eyes,
Each time after i hold ur hands,
Each time after i plant a kiss on ur lips,
Each time after i say i love you,

I just hope i can turn back time,
Cause it means so much to me,
And i really hope to enjoy the happy moments with you again.
Till the day i hold my last breath.

December is comin soon.
Having that little hope of spending it with you again.
Cause even though we are no longer the same as before,
I still love you.

N i believe everyone would also like to spend their special day with someone they love.

I really miss you...

2007-11-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

====================================================

Speechless in tears.

====================================================

2007-11-18T02:23:00.000+08:00

==================================================

Begin to get a clearer picture after today.
The small conflict and misunderstanding,
leads to all the consequences today,
with all the lost in trust.

I am a big failure in all my relationships.
None had a happy ending.
Blaming myself for everything,
cause its all my fault.

Too sensitive n private to blog more feelings here.
All i can say is i know what is going on,
even though you never tell me,
but if this is the best for us,
and you prefer to keep it like this,
then just let it be,
I shall respect your decision.

Trusting no one, except myself and my love ones.

==================================================

2007-11-16T22:30:00.001+08:00

===================================================

Even when i am sick & mentally n physically weak,
i still cared for you.

Had insomia and frequent vomits in camp,
but even more worried for you instead.

Waited for you but you never had time for me,
cause you know i would always be there for you.

You never fail to add smile onto my face,
but you also never fail to make me cry all the time.
You never fail to add happy memories into my life,
but you also never fail to break my heart all the time.

Today i realised what i do is unnecessary,
cause you simply just don care.

Now i know what i mean to you.
Just simply NOTHING.

Since you have many other pillars to lean on and
since you prefer to lean on another pillar,
i shall not further persist on anymore.
The pillar is hereby demolished.

=====================================================

2007-11-11T19:07:00.000+08:00

========================================================

How i spend my long holiday?

Thursday

Exercise and sleep.

Friday

Went gym in the morning.
Followed by bank visit.
Then high tea at Marriott Hotel.
After which, shopping spree again.
Bought 1 CK shirt,
1 A/X bermudas,
1 A/X cardigan,
1 A/X top,
1 A/X cap!
Going broke soon.

Saturday

Went gym in the morning.
Then went with S for a FULL lunch.
Had a fun time forcing each other to eat more.
N making ice-cream.
N doing forfeits.
Followed by roller blading at ECP.
Then went parkway to get some GNC supplements,
repair handphone and shop for grocery.

Sunday

Attended my estate's ExtraOrdinary General Meeting at Chinese Swimming Club.
Main agenda is to elect the collective sales committee and discussion regarding proposed value of estate.
Recently after the govt had passed down the new regulations for collective sales, the enblock process had became more tedious and costly.
Based on the current market economy, the estimated value of our whole estate is between $500 million to $600 million, where one unit could fetch approximately above $3million.
Had a mixed feelings receiving this piece of news as the price is rather attractive but gonna miss this place loads.
Parents said that if enblock is successful, we would be moving back to Bukit Timah.
Would be attending such general meetings quite frequently in future.
Right after meeting, went for early dinner at Swensen's.
Now gotta pack bag and book in for camp.

========================================================

The Continuation of you and i...

Since the day i fall for you, you had always been my source of motivation. Everytime when i am on the verge of breaking down, i tell myself, if i were to fall, then who would be there for you. Everytime when i feel like giving up, i tell myself, i must not give up, cause i always told you not to give up, so how can i give up. Everytime when you are not there, my life seems so empty and lost.

I remember u once told me, "I realise how important to have you as my pillar to lean on..."
And i told you, "No matter what, I am willing to be your pillar for you to lean on, not only now but forever."

--- To be Continued ---

i really miss and love you...

==========================================================

2007-11-08T20:49:00.000+08:00

===============================================================

Staying at home on a public holiday night, thinking of the past memories we had, with tears rolling down my cheeks. Wondering why are we drifted so far apart, wondering is it my fault for not falling in love with you earlier, wondering if i had expected too much, wondering how our future gonna be.

Since the day i know you, we had been through all the ups and downs, walking down the road together as one, creating beautiful memories, with bright ambitions ahead of us. Even though there are times when things turn so bad and times when i just wanna give up, we still persist on and managed to overcome them, and in turn understand each other even better.

In the beginning, we started off as someone with two different personality, but as time goes by, we begin to change and adapt to one another's habit and lifestyle. The long quality hours spent together had subsequently made you part of my life, made you someone whom i will sacrifice for, someone whom i will trust and lean on, someone who means the most to me.

Your introvert, charming and caring personality had stolen the key to my heart, making me fall deeper for you each day. Your great tolerance level had influenced me to became a more patient person. Your innocence convinced me in showering you with all the love and time i have.

--- To Be Continued ---

===================================================